Dinner was alright. It was fun to see Cathy and Louis again, but then when we were almost done, Cathy looks over at me and says, "Hey, where's Ashley? I thought you told me that she was coming to Purdue too. I thought for sure you guys would be rooming together." I didn't know what to say. They were both just sitting there looking at me kind of expectantly. I think I said something about how she changed her mind, but I didn't tell them the whole story. Maybe I should have...
It would be ok, everything would be ok if she'd just call me or something! I guess she doesn't need me anymore. I had no problem with her spending more time with Dave, I just don't think that I deserve to be absolutely rejected! Maybe I'm being petty... Maybe I should just call her. I don't know, I just don't freaking know.
Classes start in the morning. I've got my bag packed. I'm more nervous now than I was before. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight... Calculus at 7:30, computer graphics at 8:30, and then after a two hour break, speech class at 11:30. After that I have the rest of the afternoon free.
*****
At the harsh, pulsing tone of her alarm clock, Abby startled to consciousness the next morning at 6:00. She quickly sat up and shut the alarm off with a sharp slap. For a moment she sat in the middle of the bed and rubbed her hands over her face. Above her head in the top bunk she heard Laura groan and turn over. She didn't have class until 10:30 on Mondays. Abby rolled out of the bed and switched on her desk lamp. She left the big, overhead light off in an attempt at consideration for her roommate.
She opened her closet and silently dressed in the clothes that she had decided on the night before as she'd been lying awake in the dark. She grabbed her toothbrush and hair things and made for the bathroom. The fact that it was all the way down the hall had already begun to irritate her, and she found it even more so this early in the morning.
It was not long at all before Abby finished her morning preparations and she was dismayed to find that it was still only yet 6:30. She briefly considered going to get some breakfast, but she had never had an appetite in the morning. The fact was even the thought of forcing herself to eat something made her slightly nauseous. Instead she tucked one of her granola bars into a pocket of her backpack to snack on later, and then sat down at her computer in the dark. After checking her email and a couple of web comics she had killed all the time she was going to be able to. Hefting her backpack up she left the room, locking the door behind her.
It wasn't dark outside, but it was still early enough so that the air was crisp and much cooler than it would be in a couple of hours. She walked up and past the Memorial Mall which was being mown by a man on a large lawn tractor. Even though it was far to early for most people to be walking to class, Abby was surprised at how busy the campus already was. As she headed North past the Belltower she was almost run into by a guy flying past on a bike. She staggered to the side to avoid him and by the time she had recovered he had zipped around a corner and out of sight.
“Friggin’ douche bag,” she muttered to herself, slightly shaken by the close encounter.
“I can just see the headlines on the second day of classes: “Promising young student run down by bicycle; pronounced dead at the scene. No witnesses have come forward, leaving the culprit of the Hit n’ Peddle accident still on the loose, ready to strike again at any moment.””
As Abby turned East again and passed close to the iconic Engineering Fountain, she paused briefly to watch the soaring water in the morning light. After a moment she continued on to the big lecture hall in the Electrical Engineering building where her calculus lecture would be. She entered through a side door and immediately saw a rack full of copies of the daily school newspaper, The Exponent, so she grabbed one before proceeding on to the classroom.
*****
8-25-08
I guess classes went pretty well today. Mostly it was going over the schedule and telling us that we can't cheat, but there was also some lecturing. Computer graphics looks like it might be fun. Wish I didn't have to get up quite so early on Mondays though. I guess that the good thing about it though is that Laura has classes in the afternoon, so I will have some alone time to do homework or whatever.
I almost introduced myself to a couple of people who sat next to me in class today, but before I got up the nerve to do it, other people came in that apparently they already knew. Call me crazy, but it is so, so much easier to make friends with a single person that seems to be as alone as you are than to try to break into a group or pair that’s already formed. It’s like you’re crashing a party or something.
Today I was continually accosted by people urging me to vote one way or another. All the students who are supporting the Democrats (divided between the Clinton and Obama factions) were asking everyone if they’d already registered to vote, and all the Republican people were setting up opposing booths were they did…the exact same thing. There were even some Ron Paul people passing out flyers and junk. This will be my first ever year voting and I have no idea who it will be for. Mom and dad typically vote Republican, but I don’t really think that that’s reason for me to be the same. What would be the logic in that? Democracy would be rather pointless if we all always just voted for the same party that our parents did.
I think that I lot of people do that though. I don’t really understand it but hey, they never asked me I guess. Anyway, I have a feeling that whatever does happen, this could end up being a pretty epic election this year.
*****
"Look Ash, I don't want to fight with you; I just called to say hi. I miss you."
"Well I don't need a guilt trip from you, Abby! I did what I wanted to do and you don't need to have a say in that. You don't run my life you know."
"I'm not trying to run your life! I just-"
"I've got to go, Abby. I'll talk to you later."
"Ok, you could call me-"
*****
9-03-08
Halfway through the second week of classes. I think that mine are going alright. All the clubs here are advertising their call-outs, trying to get new members. I'm thinking about maybe joining one. Something fun. I don't really know what yet, but I'll keep an eye out.
The engineering seminar I'm in is a little bit irritating. It's meant to give you an idea of some of the potential engineering disciplines that are out there, but I already know that I want to do civil, so it's rather pointless for me. I guess there are people who get in there and change their mind once they hear about something else that they hadn't considered before, but I don't think I'm going to be one of those people. It's a very big class. It's in the same lecture hall that calculus is in and the room is pretty huge.
It would be awfully easy for a person to get lost in there among all the other bodies. If I just stopped going no one would notice that I was gone...
*****
Abby sat down with her breakfast tray at the exact same table that she had chosen on her first day. Again she was alone. She had thought that after a while she might get used to being alone, but as time had gone on the feeling had only intensified. The image of a fish out of water came to mind. She happened to glance up just as a guy from her speech class walked by. He met her eye so she smiled tentatively. He answered with a questioning look, and continued on by. With a sinking stomach Abby realized that he had not even recognized her. A hot flush washed over her face and she ducked her head.
"What did you expect? That he'd stop and ask if the other seat was taken? Don't be an idiot, he doesn't care about you. He doesn't even know who the hell you are."
Abby quickly stood and, leaving her tray and untouched breakfast at the table, exited the dining hall as fast as she could without breaking into a run. Outside she took a deep breath of the morning air, but never slowed her pace. She continued on into campus, her eyes fixed on the ground. She felt sick to her stomach and claustrophobic even though she was walking in the open air.
*****
"Ash, just listen to me please. I just want to know what I did? Why are you so upset with me? Why don't you want to be friends anymore? What did I do? Please just tell me what I did."
"I never said that I didn't want to be friends with you anymore."
"Well then why don't you ever call me? Why didn't you tell me that you weren't going to come to Purdue?"
"Look, I'm busy ok? I don't have time to be calling everybody I ever knew from high school to chit chat."
"Chit chat? Ash, this is me we're talking about. We've known each other forever. You said I was your best friend. Please, just tell me what I can do to make it right."
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Word count: 1,704
Total word count: 5,158
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