Chapter Five

9-20-08

It's getting harder and harder for me to get up for my classes in the morning. Especially on Mondays. After the weekend it just takes so much effort. I feel so tired, and it would be so nice just to sleep in. Especially since I don't usually get to bed very early because of Laura.

Speaking of Laura, I talked to her after she calmed down and she's still not really being all that reasonable. I did tell her that I would try to turn down my alarm clock a little bit more if she would try to keep quiet and and keep the lights off when she comes in. We'll see if she actually tries to make good on her side of that bargain. I have my doubts, but then maybe I'm just being cynical. Time will tell.

Oh! I forgot to mention, I totally think that Nick is flirting with me now. He's been sitting with me a few times in lecture. I think he's really interested in me. I hope I'm not reading too much into this. Maybe he's just being nice because I don't know anybody else in that class.

*****

"Hey Abby, what's up?"

"Oh, hi Nick, how's it going?"

"Pretty good. Ready for this quiz?" he asked, taking the seat next to hers.

"Yeah, I guess so. What about you?"

"Sure. So listen, my housemates and I are having a little party this weekend. If you don't have something else going on you could stop by for a while."

"Oh, thanks, I'm not doing anything this weekend, I mean, I don't think I am."

"Sweet, I'll Facebook the details to you."

"Alright, cool."

*****

9-22-08

Oh my gosh! Nick invited me to a party at his house this weekend! I'm excited!

Maybe I should see if Cathy would like to go with me too. But then, Nick didn't say that I could invite friends. I mean, I doubt that he would mind or anything, but it might be rude. I guess maybe I could ask him. I know mom would say that I shouldn't go to some guy's house or a party without somebody else that I knew... But I know Nick, it's not like I just met him or something, I mean, we've been in class together for quite a while now. I'm sure it will be ok.

Maybe I just won't tell Mom about it until after it's over. Or maybe not at all. She could get mad at me after the fact as well. She would say that it was a risk that I shouldn't have taken. Yeah, maybe I just won't tell her.

Oh hell, if I'm going out this weekend then that means that I need to have something to wear! I don't have anything here other than like jeans and everyday shirts. I do have my sequin jeans, if I could just find a kind of fancy, cool top to go with them, then maybe I could wear that. I guess maybe I could see if Cathy has something, but I don't know if I know her well enough to be borrowing clothes from her.

Me and Ash were always the same size; if she were here I could borrow something from her.

Maybe it's the kind of party that I could just wear a t-shirt too. No, I don't want to do that. This is the first college party that a boy has asked me to, I want to actually look good. I guess I will ask Cathy if she has something that I can wear. If I had a car I could go shopping. I suppose I could see if there's a bus that goes out to the mall or something, but it would kind of suck to have to ride it that far. I don't really know anybody except Laura who has a car. And there's no way that I'd ask her for a ride. She'd probably drive me out to the edge of town and leave me!

We have an exam i calculus next week, and my first presentation is this week. That's kind of a damper on the whole, being invited to a party deal. I'm really nervous about that presentation. I've made cue cards and I've practiced, but I just know that I'm going to fall apart as soon as I get up in front of the class. The teacher would say that that's not "positive visualization" but I call it realistic visualization. I hate crowds. I hate talking. I hate talking in front of crowds.

At this point I don't expect the calculus exam to be a complete crash and burn at any rate. It could be! I'm not ruling out the possibility, but at least I know that I'm a little bit better at math than at public speaking. The exam is in the evening and it's in a big lecture hall in the chemistry building. I don't know why they don't just have exams during the normal class times.

*****

"Yeah, I talked to her. I don't know if it will help, but I think she did calm down a little bit."

"Well do try to stay on good terms, sweetie. You know you have to spend the rest of the year with her," counseled Abby's mom patiently.

"I'm trying, Mom, that's a lot easier said than done you know."

"I know, sweetheart."

*****

"Well I hate to ask Cath, but we're about the same size, and I just don't know how I could possibly get to the mall this week."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind at all. You'll just have to come to my room in Earhart and take a look at what I've got. I'm sure we can find something," said Cathy, setting her sandwich back down on her plate and taking a sip of water.

"I'm sure if you wanted to go to the party it would be alright," Abby offered. "I could ask Nick in class."

"No, that's ok, I've got stuff planned for this weekend. Thanks anyway though. So, how long have you known this Nick guy?"

"Oh, since pretty early in the semester."

"So about a month now?"

"Yeah, I guess it just seems like longer. I see him three times a week."

"Yeah, it does kind of feel like we've been here for a lot longer than we have in one way. In another it seems like just yesterday that I moved though."

"I know what you mean," said Abby, nodding her head.

"I'm a liar," she thought. "I do not know what she means. It seems like an eternity since I moved here."

"Anything in particular that you know you're looking for? As a top I mean."

"Oh I don't know. I don't even know what you normally wear to this type of thing. I was thinking maybe some nice jeans and, well, whatever you have that would go with that. What do you think?"

"That should probably be alright. And I'm sure we can find something. I have a nice read halter top you might like."

"Ok, well I'll trust your judgement; I've never really done this kind of thing. It's my first college party."

"Is it off campus? If you do happen to drink some, make sure it's not so much that you can't walk home again safely."

"It's on campus, and don't worry, I'll be fine." Abby didn't say anything to Cathy because she didn't want to look like she'd never partied in high school, but her stomach felt a little strange. She'd never gotten drunk before. She'd taken a sip of a beer that her father had left out once, but it had tasted kind of gross, and she didn't dare to drink anymore for fear of it being discovered. The thing that made her most nervous about the idea of going to a party was that her dirty little secret would be ousted and everyone would think that she was just an immature kid.

What if Nick found out? Abby quickly swallowed the lump in her throat and took a drink of soda.

"Anyway, yeah, thanks a lot Cathy, you're a real life saver."

"Sure, not a problem. Glad I could help."

*****

9-24-08

Tomorrow is the big massacre in speech class. The longer I have to practice the stupid thing the more I realize how much I suck at this. I'd think about just not showing up if it weren't worth so much credit for the class. I went back and remade all of my cue cards because the writing was too small, but then I had a lot more of them and had to flip through them faster, so I remade them again. This time I think they're alright. Not too many, not too few.

Not that I expect it to make a huge difference in how I do! Calculus I want to do well in, and I think I probably can; speech class I just want to pass.

I got a top from Cathy yesterday, so I'm all ready for this weekend. It's sleeveless, v-necked, and kind of a turquoise color and it has a little line of tiny sequins on each of the straps. It's really pretty. I think it will be just fine. I might wear black pants instead of jeans though. We'll see. I guess either would work, I just think that the top might go better with black than blue.

The later it gets in the week the more excited and nervous I'm getting about this party. I'm excited because Nick invited me to it, and because it's my first ever college party! And I'm nervous for really the exact same reasons. I'm nervous that maybe I'll get lost in the crowd and Nick won't spend any time with me, or that he'll think I'm a loser or something. And I'm also nervous because I don't really know what will happen at this. I mean, I know that college parties have alcohol at them, and maybe even drugs, but well, I just don't know what to expect. Nick doesn't seem really, really wild, so I doubt he'll be shooting up or anything.

I hope not.

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Word count: 1,707
Total word count: 8,326