Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Well I think it's pretty obvious by now...

...that I'll not be finishing this story in November.
Note to self: For next WriMo, pick something action packed.
I just don't have the time or energy to bang it out, and I like quality control way, way too much to not think about what I'm writing (most of the writing for this story really sucks, IMO). I don't plan on giving up on it though! Bad or not I do want to finish it. Not sure if it's possible for me to wring 50,000 words out of the plot as it stands, but at least the story could be wrapped up. That having been said, I'm thinking about committing to one update per week.
Knowing Andrew gets updated twice a week and I can (usually) actually get that done, so I don't think that this will cause a problem.
Failure sucks, but it can be masked.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Chapter Nine

Abby ran up the stairs as fast as she could considering her slightly inebriated state and barreled down the hall to their room. She frantically grabbed the doorknob and twisted only to find that it was locked. Locked. That meant that Laura was out. Oh gosh, that meant that she probably hadn't been there to tell Abby's mom anything if she had called the dorm number first.

Abby turned and ran down the hall to the bathroom and into one of the stalls, slamming the door behind her. She just made it before she began vomiting, both of her hands planted on the back of the toilet to hold herself up. She didn't think that there was anyone else in the bathroom with her, but at that point she was almost beyond caring as her entire body heaved with violent, wretching coughs. Once her stomach finally seemed to be empty Abby staggered back out of the stall and leaned on the sink for a few minutes. She turned on the cold faucet and splashed some of the cool water onto her face.

She still felt slightly queasy, and she recognized that there was a slight chance that Laura had literally just left and therefore could have still spoken with her mother, but she very much doubted that. Laura liked going out early and staying out late.

After washing her face once more and rinsing her mouth out, Abby stumbled back down to her room and fished her keys out of her purse to unlock the door. Her head still seemed a little fuzzy, but it wasn't quite as bad as it had been while walking back. She opened the door and stepped into their room, flipping on the light as she did.

Abby closed the door behind herself and then just stood there for a moment, leaning against it. A glance at the phone revealed that the little red light was dark. No messages. That was a good sign. She dropped her purse on the floor and sat down on the edge of her bed. For the moment her stomach felt better and she had calmed down significantly.

"Geez, it would have been a pretty nice evening if this hadn't happened."

"You got sick."

"Yeah, but I don't think that was from the drinking. I think it was all of this crap."

Abby leaned back on her bed and closed her eyes, her legs still dangling over the side.

"I need to either not care that they find out about this kind of thing, or make it so they will never find out, because I can't do this again. I just can't handle it. Too much stress for me. I just wanted to have a good time tonight. I just wanted to hang out with Nick for a while and let him know that I'm not a complete dork."

"And you managed to do that I think."

"Yeah but I had to leave early, and it was going so well."

"Yeah well, maybe you'll get invited to another party some other time."

"Maybe. I hope so. I was really, really, really, friggin' nervous but I did have some fun."

It wasn't terribly long before Abby's lingering concern was overwhelmed by drowsiness and she fell asleep still fully clothed and on top of her covers. Her sleep was deep, but not without dreams, and certainly not pleasant ones.

*****

The next morning Abby was startled awake by the blaring tone of her alarm. For a moment she couldn't remember where she was. When that passed a fresh wave of confusion rushed over her as she thought that it must be a weekday since her alarm was going off. Finally she connected with reality enough to realize that she must have forgotten to turn off her alarm for the weekend yesterday. A loud groan from the top bunk told her that Laura must have come home at some point during the night.

Abby slapped the top of her alarm clock and tried to sit up in bed. A throbbing pain stabbed through her head and she collapsed back down, clutching her forehead.

"What the hell! Geez, I must have a hangover. What the hell? I only had two drinks."

Abby sat up again, only this time a lot slower. She heard Laura turn over in the top bunk and she suddenly remembered all of the events of last night.

"Laura," she said aloud. Laura groaned. "Laura, did my mom call here last night?"

"What?"

"Did my mom call here last night?"

"No."

"Oh, good, thank you."

"Sure thing, now leave me alone so I can sleep."

"Ok, I'm sorry."

Checking one more time to make sure that her alarm clock was actually turned off this time and wouldn't sound again, further irritating her roommate, Abby rose from the bed and moved to her closet. She had a crick in her neck from sleeping with her head at a weird angle and her mouth felt a little cottony. With dismay she pulled the top that she'd borrowed from Cathy over her head and held it up in the faint light that filtered through their blind to inspect it. The shirt seemed to be wrinkled but un-harmed.

Abby hung the top in her closet. She would wash and iron it later, for now she just put it away. After taking off her shoes and pants, Abby slipped into her bathrobe and grabbed her shower stuff. Now she could remember everything that had happened the night before and she she also remembered that her parents were going to be there around noon to take her to lunch. Right now her priority was definitely to not appear as if she'd gotten drunk last night to her mom and dad.

A shower, mouthwash, and some breakfast were in order and after that she needed to clean up her side of the room and then mess it up just enough to make it look like she'd spent the night studying. Shouldn't be a problem.

*****

After her shower Abby felt a lot better than she expected she would. After a quick change of clothes, executed in the dark in order to not bother Laura again, Abby took her wallet and keys and left to get something for breakfast. She still didn't really feel hungry at all, but at least she wasn't still nauseous, and she figured that having something in her stomach might actually help.

As Abby sat eating some scrambled eggs and toast with strawberry jam she thought about Nick and wondered if he was cool with her leaving so suddenly last night. He seemed fine with it at the time.

"He did put his arm around me for quite a while when we were on the porch, and he held my hand for a little while as well. That's a pretty sure sign that he likes me I think. Maybe he'll invite me to a different party if his roommates and him do that kind of thing very often."

"You have to remember about all of this happening though and make sure that it doesn't happen again."

"Well I don't expect that Mom will be trying to call me every single Friday evening. If she did then I think I'd have to be honest with her and just let her know that I'm out with some friends and can't talk."

"Oh yeah, you think you'll tell her that, do you?"

"Well... Maybe not in those words exactly."

"What words do you think you will use then?"

"Oh hell, I don't know. It doesn't matter, I don't have to worry about that right now. I just need to worry about my school right now and making sure that I don't let anything slip about last night. Mom wouldn't be all that pleased with hearing about that over lunch I don't think."

*****

09-27-08

Mom and Dad should be here any time now. I've cleaned up some and Laura got up and went to lunch with some of her friends. Haven't heard from Nick, but I don't know what I expected. I mean, it's not like he's going to call me or something. He doesn't even have my number. Of course my number is on Facebook, and he is my friend on Facebook, so if he really wanted it he could get my number. I guess it would seem a little stalkerish if he just randomly called me up though.

A little bit ago some girl from down the hall came by and was asking if I wanted to go to lunch. I've like, seen her in the bathroom but I have no idea who she is. I don't know, maybe I should be more open, but it seemed a little bit weird that she just decided that she would ask someone who she's never spoken to before to go to lunch with her. Is it just me or is that weird? Anyway, I told her that my parents were coming to see me, so I couldn't go with her. I guess if she asks again I will go with her. I have no reason not to, except for the fact that it was a little strange. I guess she was just trying to be friendly though, I can't hold that against her.

I suppose that if I'm going to be going out a little now and then I should probably think about getting some new clothes that are a bit more appropriate for that type of thing. I thought that I fit in pretty well last night, but I can't keep borrowing clothes from Cathy. Of course, I could really be getting ahead of myself here. I don't know that I'll be going to any more parties. I mean, I hope I will be, but it's not a guarantee. So if I go shopping maybe just get one or two things for now.

Oh, Mom just called; she and Dad are just getting into West Lafayette and they're going to pick me up downstairs. This is the first time I will have been off campus since I moved here. That was like a month ago. Man I really hate not having a car around, even if it's just one that I borrow from my parents. Anyway, gotta go.

---------------------------

Word count: 1,721
Total word count: 15,185

Friday, November 14, 2008

Chapter Eight

After a while just hanging out, and having very slowly finished her first drink and gotten started on the second thanks to Nick, Abby felt comfortable enough to actually move around the party a little. She was still not brave enough to jump right in and start talking to people, but she was able to grab a seat in the living room to join the small group of people watching someone else play a video game. Just about all of them were loudly giving tips and instructions, probably to the detriment to the players. After a while, Abby even got drawn into it, and when the players rotated and she was asked if she wanted a turn, she hesitated for a moment, and then went for it.

"Why the hell not?"

It briefly occurred to her that she might do horribly, but she pushed the thought out of her mind. It didn't matter. None of these people cared. They were there to have a good time, to to scrutinize her and her video game playing skills.

After a while Nick came by the group in the living room. He leaned over to speak to her over the music and loud conversation.

"Hey Abby, how's it going? Having fun?" Abby smiled up at him and nodded.

"I am having a good time."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. Do you want to come out on the porch with me?" Abby felt herself blush a little.

"I think he does like me!"

"Sure, let's go." Nick smiled and took her hand to help her off the couch. He lead her back through the hallway and through the kitchen to the back door. Outside half a dozen people sat around on lawn chairs on the dark, enclosed porch. At least a couple of them were smoking and all of them seemed to have something to drink.

The night was warm, but not unbearably so and it was nice to get out of the noise for a little while. Nick sat down on a bench against the house wall and pulled Abby down next to him.

"What's up guys?" he said to the people on the porch.

"Hey Nick, how's it going? Who's this?"

"This is Abby. We have a class together."

"Cool."

For a while Abby just sat quietly beside Nick listening to him talk with his friends about random stuff. She felt warm all over and she realized that her thought processes seemed fuzzy and almost a little bit sluggish. She recognized it as probably being due to what she was drinking, but the smoke on the porch was also a little bit heavy and she wondered what it was exactly that Nick's friends were smoking. Soon she had a chance to find out.

The guy that was sitting a couple of feet from Nick lit up what looked like a fresh joint. He took a long drag and then offered it to Nick. Nick accepted the joint and took a couple of quick puffs before holding it out to Abby with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh shit. Don't take it. No, just take it. No, don't. Just act like you did it. Don't. You'll look lame. Can't."

"Um, no thanks. I'm...good for right now."

"Ok." Nick passed the joint back to his friend and took a drink of his beer. He draped his other arm around Abby's shoulders. For a moment she sat stiff, secretly delighted, but not sure exactly what to do next. Finally she took a sip of her drink and then leaned against him a little. She had begun to feel drowsy and sitting there quietly with Nick's arm around her really felt very good.

Eventually Nick decided that he wanted to go back inside and Abby went with him, leaving the smokers on the porch. Indoors the air was significantly clearer, but the noise level hadn't decreased at all and it seemed even louder after the relative quiet of the few people on the porch. Suddenly under the music Abby heard a faint tune playing during the half beat moments when the music lulled slightly and realized that it was her cell's ringtone. She pulled it out and experienced a brief moment of panic when she saw that it was her mom calling her. She wound her way as quickly as she could to the front door and ran out onto the grass to get away from the noise.

"Hello?"

"Hi sweetie, how are you?"

"Oh hi Mom, I'm fine, how are you?"

"We're good. I won't keep you, I know you said you have a lot to do tonight. I just wanted to let you know that if it's still ok with you, your dad and I will be coming up to see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah that's fine. What time do you think you'll be here?" asked Abby, trying her hardest to sound casual.

"Oh I don't know. Probably around noon or so. We could go to lunch together."

"Alright, sounds good. Guess I'll see you then."

"Excellent. You have a good night sweetie. What's all that noise anyway?"

"Frick!"

"Oh that's just Laura watching TV."

"Oh, ok, well we'll see you later then. Love you."

"Love you too, Mom. Have a good night."

"Alright, bye."

Abby closed her phone and gave a sigh of relief. For a moment when the phone had rang she had, albeit illogically, thought that somehow her parents had found out about her going to the party.

"Oh gosh, what if they had decided to go ahead and come up tonight?"

For a moment Abby stood on the lawn and calmed her breathing. Suddenly another scary thought elbowed its way into Abby's mind. What if her mother had tried to call the dorm room first and no one had answered? What if she had called the room and Laura had told her that Abby wasn't there? Abby suddenly very much regretted blaming the noise on her roommate watching TV. Why the heck hadn't she thought to say something more vague? Oh gosh, oh no.

Abby's stomach was immediately sick again. She'd been found out, she just knew it. Her limbs felt heavy and she finally realized that she was drunk as the contents in her stomach roiled. For a moment she thought that she was going to throw up. She swallowed repeatedly and moved to the front steps to sit down. She leaned over and put her face in her hands.

"Oh gosh, they're going to kill me." By this point Abby was positive that her mom must have called her dorm room first and had probably spoke to Laura.

"Maybe she didn't call the dorm. Maybe Laura wasn't there even if she did. She usually does go out on Fridays. Just about always." She had to get back. She had to find out if Laura had spoken to her mother.

"Please, please, please..." Abby stood up and opened the door to the house. Nick was on the couch talking and laughing with a small group of people. Abby walked over and bent down to speak to him.

"Hey Nick, listen, I need to get going. Um, something came up."

"Yeah? Well I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you had fun," Nick smiled up at her.

"I did, I really did. Thanks a lot for inviting me. It was great hanging out with you."

"Sure thing. You going to be able to make it home ok?" asked Nick. Abby nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'll be fine. Anyway, have a good night. I guess I'll see you in class."

"Yep, talk to you later," said Nick.

Abby slipped back out by the front door and began making her way back towards campus. The apartment building lined streets had long since grown dark and she walked quickly. She could clearly hear parties going on in several of the houses that she passed and for some odd reason she felt very vulnerable.

"You're fine, just get back to Windsor. You're fine. What do you think? Someone's going to rape you right on the street here?"

Her stomach still felt sick and her knees slightly weak. She couldn't stop thinking about what she might or might not find out once she got back to her dorm room.

"Come on now Abby, even if Mom and Dad did find out that you went to a party, what are you afraid of? What are they going to do? Ground you? You're in college now."

"I'm not afraid, I just...I don't want them to be disappointed. I guess I was a little bit stupid to go to this alone. I mean, nothing happened, but I suppose it could have."

"Well it didn't, so nothing to worry about. Lesson learned. If it's that big a deal then just don't do it again. Simple as that."

"Gosh, I hope they don't yell at me."

As she crossed State St, Abby very nearly stepped right into a car. The guy in the driver's seat, another student from the looks of it, yelled at her out of the open window.

"Watch where you're going you moron!"

Abby felt a flush rush up her neck and burn on her cheeks and she walked faster.

"Get it together Abby."

She cut between the buildings on campus and passed Beering and the parking garage on University Street. Ahead of her a group of about a dozen people had just crossed the street from Beering and were singing the theme song to "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" a cappella. The funny thing was, none of them appeared to be drunk.

At that moment Abby very much wished that she hadn't drank anything that night herself. She quickened her stride once more, determined not to debase herself so much as to start throwing up on the sidewalk. Oh gosh, did she wish that she had told Laura not to tell her parents where she was.

"I didn't know that this would happen. I couldn't have known. And besides it's not like I would ask Laura to lie for me anyway. There's no way on Earth. I don't want her to think that my parents still babysit me or something."

---------------------------

Word count: 1,705
Total word count: 13,464

Chapter Seven

Abby stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom for a good forty-five minutes just working on her bangs. They were suddenly too long where only a moment before they had seemed too short. She tried putting it up in a half dozen ways and rejected them all out of hand. She finally settled begrudgingly for leaving it down. She brushed her teeth one more time and then ran back to their room.

While she had been in the bathroom Laura had come back from dinner and was sitting on her bed, flipping through a magazine.

"Frick, awkward changing time," thought Abby. It was one thing to slip into PJs simultaneously, both of them facing different directions, if was a whole new level of discomfort to change clothes in the middle of the evening with Laura sitting there watching. Abby decided that she just couldn't do it.

"Oh for crying out loud, just change! Laura doesn't give a damn about what you do in front of her." Abby swallowed hard and pulled out the pair of black pants that she had decided on. She quickly slipped out of her jeans, silently blessing herself for the fact that she'd already changed into the underwear that she'd planned on wearing that night. She didn't look over at Laura because whether or not her roommate was watching her, she didn't want to look like she was embarrassed about it. Switching between her t-shirt and her borrowed top was relatively painless.

Abby stood in front of the mirror on the back of their door, and looked herself over. She ran her fingers through her hair to put it back where it was supposed to be and straightened her shirt. Not too bad. Not too bad at all actually. She turned and looked over her shoulder at her back and then crossed the room to fetch her jewelry box.

The thing was light wood with pink flowers painted on the lid and a pink faux velvet lining. On the front of each little drawer there was a tiny knob decorated with an even tinier rose bud. She'd had the box for almost as long as she could remember. It had been a Christmas gift from her grandparents when she was a little girl. As juvenile as it looked, Abby still liked it. But she didn't know if Laura would understand that it had sentimental value, or if she would think that it looked stupid.

"Screw Laura. It's my jewelry box."

After much deliberation Abby decided on a silver necklace with a crystal pendant and a pair of dangly silver threader earrings with tiny feathers hanging from the ends of them. She looked herself over in the mirror and finally added a couple of silver bangles as well. There, that looked going outish.

"At least, I think it does."

Abby turned around to find Laura studying her.

"Going somewhere, Abby?" she asked.

"Yes!"

"Uh yeah, I'm going to a party actually."

"Cool."

"Yeah, some guy I know invited me."

"Well have fun."

"I'm sure I will, he's pretty cool."

"Sweet."

"Yeah."

"Ok Abby, you should shut up now," she thought to herself. "Looking less cool by the second here."

Abby turned back to the mirror to check her make up one more time. She glanced at the clock. She still had a good 20 minutes before she was supposed to leave. She sat down at her computer under the pretense of checking her email or something. Her stomach had suddenly begun to feel very sick.

"Why the heck are you so nervous about this?"

"I don't know! Does it matter?"

"Yes! Maybe it's a bad sign; maybe you should listen."

"No, I'm just a little jumpy because it's my first party. I'll be fine!"

Unable to force herself to kill any more time, Abby jumped up and grabbed her purse. She would walk slowly, or take a turn around the block if she had to, but she couldn't just sit here anymore doing nothing.

"I'm going now, see you later."

"Ok, have fun," Laura murmured, turning a page of her magazine.

"Thanks, have a good night."

*****

As Abby walked East and South towards Harrison Street she tried to calm her nerves with deep breaths.

"Maybe I should call Mom after all. Someone should know where I am in case something were to happen."

"No, Cath knows, and besides, you have your cell phone. And nothing is going to happen anyway! You're just going to hang out with Nick for a while, meet a few people and then go home again. Simple as that."

When she finally reached the address that Nick had told her to go to she stood out on the sidewalk for a few moments looking at the townhouse. It was a bit further of a walk than she had estimated from the Google map she had looked at. She could hear music coming from the open windows and light spilled out onto the brief lawn like welcome mats. She swallowed several times to try and calm her stomach and then steeled her nerve and strode up to the door and knocked. It was a stranger who opened it, after a very long and uncomfortable wait.

"Um, hi there. Is Nick here?" The guy looked her up and down and then nodded. He waved her through the door with his beer bottle.

"Yeah, come on in."

Abby stepped though the doorway and paused to look around. The place struck her as a very stereotypical college student apartment. Seriously mismatched and conspicuously stained furniture was grouped around a large television that had several gaming platforms spilling from it, causing the entertainment center to look like some sort of huge, disemboweled beast. At least a dozen people were packed into the smallish living room and Abby could see more through a passage that presumably lead to the other rooms in the house.

She quickly swept the faces in the room looking for Nick and didn't find him. She turned back to ask the guy that had let her in where Nick was, but he'd already drifted off and joined a small group of people talking by the stairs. Abby decided that rather than approach any more of the strange people in this strange house, she would just take a look around and see if she could find him herself. She threaded her way through the shouting people all the while wondering why they didn't just turn the music down if they wanted to talk.

When she got to the kitchen she literally bumped into Nick who was just coming around the corner.

"Abby! Hey, glad you could make it! Find the place alright?"

"Yeah, yeah it was fine. Thanks for inviting me, I appreciate it."

"Of course I'd invite you! Now what can I get you to drink? We have beer and Smirnoff and some Mike's hard cider, and I think we've got some rum if that's your thing."

"Oh um..."

"Shit!"

"Just something light I guess..."

"Haha, light? How about we start you off on some Smirnoff or a Blue Moon?"

"Um, ok."

Nick opened the refrigerator and handed Abby a cold bottle of something clear, twisting off the metal cap for her and tossing it on the counter. Abby noticed that it was already strewn with quite a few others.

"Thanks."

"You've had Smirnoff before right?" For a moment Abby panicked. If she said yes and she hated it, what would she do? But if she said no... Well she'd look really lame. She decided to go for that. She forced a little laugh.

"Um, no actually, I haven't." She smiled apologetically. Rather than kick her out of the party immediately, Nick just laughed. He leaned back on the counter and folded his arms.

"Well take a drink!"

Hesitantly Abby did as she was told. Tipping the bottle up she let the liquid flow past her lips. At first the ice cold drink burned in her throat and all the way down into her chest, but then the burn seemed to diffuse and dissolve into a pleasant warmth that pooled in her stomach. For some reason she had expected that it would taste like beer, but it didn't at all.

"Well of course not; that was stupid. Not all alcohol tastes the same."

She took another sip. It really didn't taste too bad; tasted kind of like strawberry in fact. A glance at the label revealed that it was indeed "Mixed Berry" flavored.

"What do you think?" asked Nick.

"It's pretty good," said Abby, slightly embarrassed at how surprised her voice sounded. Nick laughed again.

"Well I'm glad you like it. Help yourself to any other drinks that you want. I think there's some chips and stuff going around if you're hungry."

"Thanks, I'm ok for now."

"Alright."

For a moment they stood silently looking at each other. Finally Nick spoke up.

"So, Abby, tell me something fun about yourself."

"Oh, something fun, well geez... Um, well, when I was 12 I busted out two of my teeth on our mail box. So I'm 18 and already have two false teeth."

"Really? That's what you choose to tell him? That's really sexy, Abs. Way to go."

Nick burst out laughing.

"Really? How the hell did you lose two teeth on a mail box?"

"Oh, I guess he did find it entertaining."

"Well we were riding bikes on the sidewalk and this little kid that lived next to us threw this big stick right in front of my tire. I probably could have ridden over it in hind sight, but I was going fast and I swerved without really thinking and just rammed right into the mail box post. The bike stopped but I didn't. I just flipped over the handle bars and smacked my mouth right into the box."

Nick grimaced through his chuckling.

"Well at least you got a good story out of it."

"Yeah, I guess there's that." Abby took another drink of her Smirnoff and smiled at Nick. She didn't know why she'd been so worried; she was really feeling very comfortable around Nick.

"This could be a lot of fun after all."

--------------------

Word count: 1,704
Total word count: 11,759

Whining...

I've fallen behind. I like Knowing Andrew better. I want to go back to Knowing Andrew.

Monday, November 10, 2008

In the words of Chris Baty...

"Enthusiasm dwindles, fatigue rises, and we begin squinting at our manuscripts, thinking, "This derivative pile of crap is my literary statement to the world?""

Chapter Six

"What are you doing this weekend Abs?"

"Oh, nothing much I guess. You know, same ol'."

"Yeah? Well me and your mom were thinking about maybe making the drive up to visit with you for a little while. Take you for a nice dinner on Friday, maybe stay the night in town there and you can show us around the campus."

"Oh well... I do have a lot of homework to do and I'm usually pretty tired on Friday evenings after classes and everything. Um, maybe you could come Saturday night or Sunday? Or maybe next week?"

"Well ok, if you don't want us there, we won't force ourselves on you."

"No, Daddy, it's not that I don't want to see you. I do. Definitely. Friday just isn't the perfect time.

*****

9-25-08

So, my speech was today, and now it's over so I can get on with repressing it as soon as possible. I will say this: It was not my worst nightmare. Worst case scenario was that I'd stand up in front on the class, shaking like a leaf; completely loose my voice (so silently shaking like a leaf for those of you playing along at home), and then I'd pee my pants. That did not happen. I did not pee my pants.

I don't know what kind of grade a teacher can give for someone standing up and giving a speech consisting of nearly constant "Umm"s, but I'm betting it's not an A. Of course, the other people in the class are not exactly stellar orators yet either, so it's possible that next to the competition I didn't look completely horrible. Just mostly horrible. At least I didn't come right out and say "I'm so nervous." That's a dead give away if there ever was one.

And guess what! I get to give another one in another three weeks! I know, exciting right? I hate this stupid class. Speaking of stupid classes, for this engineering seminar thing we each have to pick a buddy who "doesn't look like you" (talk about really promoting not being stereotypical) and we have to go to some sort of diversity thing with them. They don't seem to really care what, just something. And we're going to each write a paper about how that person has a different view from us. Really? Really? What are we, middle schoolers?

Yeah, I know racism and bias are still a big problem in the world, but they couldn't think for a minute that going to some question and answer session with "someone who doesn't look like you" is really going to change all your dearly held beliefs on the subject if you do happen to be racist or sexist or whatever.

*****

"Why don't you want to see me and your father, Abby?"

"I didn't say I didn't want to see you guys, mom."

"Are you embarrassed for us to visit you up there?"

"No! I didn't say that I didn't want to see you."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I told Dad, I have a lot of homework and stuff this weekend. It's nothing personal."

"Alright honey, if you say so."

"Mom, you don't believe me, I can tell."

"No, I just wondered why you didn't want to see us."

"Mom-"

"I know."

"I have a calculus exam next week, and I'm just...busy."

"It's alright, Abby. Maybe we'll come Saturday or Sunday."

"That would work better. I really would like to see you guys. I mean it Mom."

"Ok sweetie. I just wanted to make sure that everything was alright. I won't make this into something that it's not."

*****

Abby lay awake in her bed, unable to fall asleep for several reasons. Trepidation, guilt, nervousness, excitement. If she were to be honest with herself though, it was mostly guilt. She couldn't help feeling that she must have really hurt her parents with her rebuff, not to mention the fact that she had lied through her teeth to both of them. What if they found out? She really did want to see them, but she wanted to go to Nick's party too, and she was quite sure that she couldn't have both.

Tomorrow night at this same time she would be at that party. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She was excited, very much so, but she was also almost as nervous about this as she had been about her speech that day.

"That's ridiculous," she thought to herself. "I'm going to do this for fun; there's no reason to be nervous about it. If I didn't want to go then I wouldn't go."

Her stomach persisted in its protest, despite her best efforts at taming it with logic. She really did hate to meet a bunch of new people, and it was so uncomfortable to be in a group that you really didn't know at all. Specifically college students who might be doing all kinds of things.

She thought briefly that maybe she should ask Nick tomorrow what kind of party it was going to be exactly but realized that she probably couldn't come up with a better way to appear lame if she tried. She didn't really know how else she could find out what exactly this party would entail without looking like a complete dork.

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'm going." Again she felt slightly ill as she was reminded of how she had lied to her mom.

"I'm not doing anything really stupid!"

"Then why wouldn't you tell Mom and Dad?"

"Because they would worry."

"Because this is stupid."

"No, they just worry a lot. I'll be careful. It will be just fine."

"If you say so."

"I do."

Abby rolled over onto her stomach and pulled her blanket up over her head.

"Just shut up about it already, I'm going and that is the end of it."

"Fine, I just don't want you to have to live with regrets."

"I'm not going to; it's just a party!"

"That's what they all say."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You do realize that if anyone could hear your thought process they'd think you were insane."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were aware."

"Thanks, thanks a lot."

*****

"Hey Nick."

"Oh, hey there Abby. How's it going?"

"Pretty good. I gave my speech yesterday."

"Oh yeah? How did that go?"

"Alright I guess. I don't really like public speaking," said Abby with a nonchalant shrug.

"Yeah well, who does? Anyway, you going to come to the party?"

"Yeah, of course! I can't wait."

"Liar," whispered her mind.

As the class began, Abby fell to aimlessly doodling in her notebook, only paying the barest amount of attention to the short lecture. The fun part was yet to come: doing the 3-D sketches in the lab notebook. Behind her she could hear a girl attempting to have a whispered conversation with the guy next to her and completely failing at it.

She was going on and on about how she was going to get smashed that weekend, and the guy was laughing like the great big doofus he was. It really wasn't even a laugh. Calling it a chuckle insinuated that it was slightly manly. A giggle perhaps, or more appropriately, a series of stupid guffaws.

"Really people? You've really got nothing better to do with your lives?"

"Last week my friend John came back from Harry's and ended up puking all over our room. I don't even know how he found his way back, he was so friggin' drunk!"

"Ah dude! What did you do?"

"Nothing! What could I do? Hold back his hair? I just tried to keep him on his side of the room!"

At that point the girl who had started the fun discussion broke down into a fit of snorting snickers and even though they were at least a dozen rows back the professor paused right in the middle of a sentence and looked up at them. The girl managed, surprisingly, to pull herself together almost immediately, and after a long moment the professor continued, but not before giving the pair a stern look. As soon as he turned away from them again Abby heard them both break down into giggles, but fortunately for them, they managed to keep it quiet enough that the professor either didn't hear them or didn't feel it important enough to spare them another glance.

Mercifully after that they were for the most part quiet, and soon thereafter the sketching started and at that point there was a fairly constant murmur between people, so if they did begin talking again, Abby was able to tune it out.

*****

9-26-08

Well classes are over for today and I've showered and had a little bit of dinner and killed just about all the time that I can, but it's still a while until the party. I guess I should probably spend some more time preparing for that calculus exam, but I don't think that I'd probably be able to concentrate on it at all right now.

I haven't changed into the clothes I'm going to wear yet because I know if I did that I would get them all wrinkly and probably manage to spill something on myself too. I'm talented like that. What can I say? Everyone has their little niche in life.

I just realized that I never told Laura that I'm going out tonight too. I think that by this point she thinks that I don't have any life and just stay here and study all night while she's out partying or something. Isn't she going to be surprised. I don't think I'll say anything. I'll just get dressed and put on my make up and stuff and wait for her to ask me what I'm doing tonight.

Upon contemplation I'm not really sure what that will accomplish, but I don't care. I wonder if everybody has this much trouble with their roommate? Is this normal? It's not like we outright fight all the time or anything, but we don't exactly get along. We more just barely live with each other really. Toleration is the watermark that we shoot for, not friendship.

So healthy. Just so great. The kind of relationship that will endure the tests of time and last for the rest of our lives.

---------------------
Word count: 1,729
Total word count: 10,055

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Chapter Five

9-20-08

It's getting harder and harder for me to get up for my classes in the morning. Especially on Mondays. After the weekend it just takes so much effort. I feel so tired, and it would be so nice just to sleep in. Especially since I don't usually get to bed very early because of Laura.

Speaking of Laura, I talked to her after she calmed down and she's still not really being all that reasonable. I did tell her that I would try to turn down my alarm clock a little bit more if she would try to keep quiet and and keep the lights off when she comes in. We'll see if she actually tries to make good on her side of that bargain. I have my doubts, but then maybe I'm just being cynical. Time will tell.

Oh! I forgot to mention, I totally think that Nick is flirting with me now. He's been sitting with me a few times in lecture. I think he's really interested in me. I hope I'm not reading too much into this. Maybe he's just being nice because I don't know anybody else in that class.

*****

"Hey Abby, what's up?"

"Oh, hi Nick, how's it going?"

"Pretty good. Ready for this quiz?" he asked, taking the seat next to hers.

"Yeah, I guess so. What about you?"

"Sure. So listen, my housemates and I are having a little party this weekend. If you don't have something else going on you could stop by for a while."

"Oh, thanks, I'm not doing anything this weekend, I mean, I don't think I am."

"Sweet, I'll Facebook the details to you."

"Alright, cool."

*****

9-22-08

Oh my gosh! Nick invited me to a party at his house this weekend! I'm excited!

Maybe I should see if Cathy would like to go with me too. But then, Nick didn't say that I could invite friends. I mean, I doubt that he would mind or anything, but it might be rude. I guess maybe I could ask him. I know mom would say that I shouldn't go to some guy's house or a party without somebody else that I knew... But I know Nick, it's not like I just met him or something, I mean, we've been in class together for quite a while now. I'm sure it will be ok.

Maybe I just won't tell Mom about it until after it's over. Or maybe not at all. She could get mad at me after the fact as well. She would say that it was a risk that I shouldn't have taken. Yeah, maybe I just won't tell her.

Oh hell, if I'm going out this weekend then that means that I need to have something to wear! I don't have anything here other than like jeans and everyday shirts. I do have my sequin jeans, if I could just find a kind of fancy, cool top to go with them, then maybe I could wear that. I guess maybe I could see if Cathy has something, but I don't know if I know her well enough to be borrowing clothes from her.

Me and Ash were always the same size; if she were here I could borrow something from her.

Maybe it's the kind of party that I could just wear a t-shirt too. No, I don't want to do that. This is the first college party that a boy has asked me to, I want to actually look good. I guess I will ask Cathy if she has something that I can wear. If I had a car I could go shopping. I suppose I could see if there's a bus that goes out to the mall or something, but it would kind of suck to have to ride it that far. I don't really know anybody except Laura who has a car. And there's no way that I'd ask her for a ride. She'd probably drive me out to the edge of town and leave me!

We have an exam i calculus next week, and my first presentation is this week. That's kind of a damper on the whole, being invited to a party deal. I'm really nervous about that presentation. I've made cue cards and I've practiced, but I just know that I'm going to fall apart as soon as I get up in front of the class. The teacher would say that that's not "positive visualization" but I call it realistic visualization. I hate crowds. I hate talking. I hate talking in front of crowds.

At this point I don't expect the calculus exam to be a complete crash and burn at any rate. It could be! I'm not ruling out the possibility, but at least I know that I'm a little bit better at math than at public speaking. The exam is in the evening and it's in a big lecture hall in the chemistry building. I don't know why they don't just have exams during the normal class times.

*****

"Yeah, I talked to her. I don't know if it will help, but I think she did calm down a little bit."

"Well do try to stay on good terms, sweetie. You know you have to spend the rest of the year with her," counseled Abby's mom patiently.

"I'm trying, Mom, that's a lot easier said than done you know."

"I know, sweetheart."

*****

"Well I hate to ask Cath, but we're about the same size, and I just don't know how I could possibly get to the mall this week."

"No, it's fine. I don't mind at all. You'll just have to come to my room in Earhart and take a look at what I've got. I'm sure we can find something," said Cathy, setting her sandwich back down on her plate and taking a sip of water.

"I'm sure if you wanted to go to the party it would be alright," Abby offered. "I could ask Nick in class."

"No, that's ok, I've got stuff planned for this weekend. Thanks anyway though. So, how long have you known this Nick guy?"

"Oh, since pretty early in the semester."

"So about a month now?"

"Yeah, I guess it just seems like longer. I see him three times a week."

"Yeah, it does kind of feel like we've been here for a lot longer than we have in one way. In another it seems like just yesterday that I moved though."

"I know what you mean," said Abby, nodding her head.

"I'm a liar," she thought. "I do not know what she means. It seems like an eternity since I moved here."

"Anything in particular that you know you're looking for? As a top I mean."

"Oh I don't know. I don't even know what you normally wear to this type of thing. I was thinking maybe some nice jeans and, well, whatever you have that would go with that. What do you think?"

"That should probably be alright. And I'm sure we can find something. I have a nice read halter top you might like."

"Ok, well I'll trust your judgement; I've never really done this kind of thing. It's my first college party."

"Is it off campus? If you do happen to drink some, make sure it's not so much that you can't walk home again safely."

"It's on campus, and don't worry, I'll be fine." Abby didn't say anything to Cathy because she didn't want to look like she'd never partied in high school, but her stomach felt a little strange. She'd never gotten drunk before. She'd taken a sip of a beer that her father had left out once, but it had tasted kind of gross, and she didn't dare to drink anymore for fear of it being discovered. The thing that made her most nervous about the idea of going to a party was that her dirty little secret would be ousted and everyone would think that she was just an immature kid.

What if Nick found out? Abby quickly swallowed the lump in her throat and took a drink of soda.

"Anyway, yeah, thanks a lot Cathy, you're a real life saver."

"Sure, not a problem. Glad I could help."

*****

9-24-08

Tomorrow is the big massacre in speech class. The longer I have to practice the stupid thing the more I realize how much I suck at this. I'd think about just not showing up if it weren't worth so much credit for the class. I went back and remade all of my cue cards because the writing was too small, but then I had a lot more of them and had to flip through them faster, so I remade them again. This time I think they're alright. Not too many, not too few.

Not that I expect it to make a huge difference in how I do! Calculus I want to do well in, and I think I probably can; speech class I just want to pass.

I got a top from Cathy yesterday, so I'm all ready for this weekend. It's sleeveless, v-necked, and kind of a turquoise color and it has a little line of tiny sequins on each of the straps. It's really pretty. I think it will be just fine. I might wear black pants instead of jeans though. We'll see. I guess either would work, I just think that the top might go better with black than blue.

The later it gets in the week the more excited and nervous I'm getting about this party. I'm excited because Nick invited me to it, and because it's my first ever college party! And I'm nervous for really the exact same reasons. I'm nervous that maybe I'll get lost in the crowd and Nick won't spend any time with me, or that he'll think I'm a loser or something. And I'm also nervous because I don't really know what will happen at this. I mean, I know that college parties have alcohol at them, and maybe even drugs, but well, I just don't know what to expect. Nick doesn't seem really, really wild, so I doubt he'll be shooting up or anything.

I hope not.

----------------

Word count: 1,707
Total word count: 8,326

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Chapter Four

9-12-08

I think I might have met someone. There's a guy that sits next to me sometimes in graphics and he's also in my lab section. Most of the time in lecture he sits with his friends, but in lab he talks with me sometimes. I don't know if it will go anywhere, but I guess we'll see. His name is Nick. He's got light brown hair and a few freckles. He's not Mr. Universe, but he's not bad looking. He seems pretty nice.

Maybe I'm imagining it all though. I don't want to assume that he likes me. It's not like I have any proof or anything. I'm just sort of getting a vibe. Of course if he were really into me then he would probably talk to me more or sit by me. But then, he does get to lecture before me sometimes. That might explain it.


Oh, I don't know! I probably am making way too much of this. I shouldn't be getting my hopes all up. If it turns out he doesn't like me then I'll be disappointed. That would just be stupid.

I joined the Anime Club, but I think I might have to drop out of it again. This calculus class is a lot harder than I really ever expected. I mean, I was always good at math, but this is a bit of a step up and it's pretty time consuming.

Speaking of time consuming, Laura goes out
a lot. Sometimes she skips her morning classes so she can sleep it off. She's not even 21 yet, so I don't know where she's going to get so drunk, but she's finding it somewhere. The other day she brought some guy back to our room with her. I thought they were going to have sex with me sitting right there, but then they both passed out after kissing for a while. Thank goodness. I didn't know what to do!

I don't really understand why she wants to go out so much. I mean sure, it would be nice to be invited to a few parties, but hell, she's out three or four nights a week. I don't know how she gets anything done. I'm not saying that it isn't nice to have a little time alone, but I never know when she'll get back, and like as not it's in the middle of the night and she wakes me up. It's pretty irritating.

*****

"Look," said Laura. "I wonder if you might be able to turn your alarm down. It wakes me up really early on Monday mornings, and I don't have to get up til a lot later, so it really bothers me." Abby stared at her roommate. Finally she blinked and stammered a reply.

"Well I'm sorry that it bothers you but... I do have to get up early. I've pretty much got it as low as I can with it still being loud enough to wake me up..."

"I'm not saying that you can't set your alarm, I'm just letting you know that it's waking me up too," said Laura, her voice irritated.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do. It has to be loud enough to wake me up. It's that loud now. I try to turn it off quickly and I try to be quiet and not turn on all the lights."

"Well once it wakes me up you being quiet really isn't making a difference now is it?" Laura demanded.

"Well if we're talking about waking people up then why don't we talk about you waltzing in in the middle of the night, sometimes even with other people! You think that doesn't wake me up?" Abby felt angry but also inexplicably close to tears.

"Maybe I wouldn't do that if you didn't wake me up in the mornings!"

"That's what you're doing? Getting revenge on me when you come back drunk?"

"Of course not, don't be an idiot!"

*****

9-13-08

Last night me and Laura had a big fight. It was horrible. It started because she's mad about my alarm going off in the morning. What the hell does she expect me to do? She may be able to get away with not going to any of her classes, but I can't! I'm not willing to do that; I'm here for an education not to go out and get myself slobbering drunk every single night! It's not my fault that she thinks that all college is about is being so smashed every weekend that you can't remember it when Monday comes!

*****

"But why should I have to apologize mom? I didn't really do anything." Abby sat down heavily on her bed and leaned back against the wall, pinning the phone to her ear with her shoulder.

"Well sweetie, you asked me how I thought that you could resolve this. An apology tends to go a very long way, even if you weren't the only one at fault."

"Mom, I'm not at fault at all! It's my alarm going off. And it's not like I blare it or anything, it's already set pretty low. I don't let it go off for a long time or hit the snooze button a bunch, I just let it wake me up. What did she expect? That her roommate would just spontaneously wake up at the proper time every day?"

"Baby, I realize that you don't see this as the usual argument, but again, the question is not whether you're at fault here, the question is what you can do to smooth things over now. I suggest you talk to Laura and find out exactly what she would like you to do. And if she's receptive and you have a reasonable conversation, perhaps you can ask her to do some things differently when she comes in at night."

"Yeah, maybe," muttered Abby bleakly.

*****

Abby sat in her speech class, waiting for the first bout of presentations to begin, drawing aimlessly in her notebook. When she remembered that next week she would be the one up in front of the class giving a presentation, a sick feeling rushed through her stomach. The girl that was sitting next to her glanced over.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked.

"Oh totally," lied Abby. She didn't want the entire class to know that she was dreading the idea of getting up in front of everybody to speak. But that was kind of the point of the class.

"I'm nervous about it," the girl admitted. Abby immediately felt an affinity for her, and also slightly embarrassed about not just being honest. For some reason she had assumed that she was the only one in the class who could possibly not gain the greatest enjoyment from public speaking.

"That was stupid of you," she told herself.

"Last night I practiced a bunch while my roommate was out," she told the girl. The girl smiled.

"I always feel kind of stupid doing that."

"Yeah, me too, but I think it helps some."

"Well maybe I'll try to do that some more then," the girl said.

*****

9-15-08

Met Cathy for lunch again today. She said that Ashley had called her. I thought that I was ok with all that stuff. I thought that I had gotten over it. I guess I was wrong. I don't know what the deal is; why can't I just let it go? It still hurts so much. We were friends were so long, we did the stupid BFFs thing, and stupid me, I thought she actually meant forever when she said forever. Why did she just dump me all of a sudden? I guess she doesn't need me anymore. She's got Dave, and I'm sure she's got new, better friends now.

Cathy said that Ash had just called to say hi. Why would she do that? She never even talked to Cathy that much. I wish I could just put all of this out of my mind, but I can't. Every time I do manage to push it to the back, something like this comes up and there it is, the hurt just as fresh and new as ever!

I tried calling her twice and smoothing things over, but she won't have any of it. She acts all defensive and mad and she just bites my head off. Why should I keep trying to call her and make up if she's just going to do that every time? Mom would say that I should just let her miss me, but to be perfectly honest, I don't think she would anymore. I miss her, but I don't think that she needs me. She's got other friends, she doesn't need me. Nobody needs me.

--------------------

Word count: 1,461
Total Word count: 6,619

Monday, November 3, 2008

Chapter Three

8-24-08 continued

Dinner was alright. It was fun to see Cathy and Louis again, but then when we were almost done, Cathy looks over at me and says, "Hey, where's Ashley? I thought you told me that she was coming to Purdue too. I thought for sure you guys would be rooming together." I didn't know what to say. They were both just sitting there looking at me kind of expectantly. I think I said something about how she changed her mind, but I didn't tell them the whole story. Maybe I should have...

It would be ok, everything would be ok if she'd just call me or something! I guess she doesn't need me anymore. I had no problem with her spending more time with Dave, I just don't think that I deserve to be absolutely rejected! Maybe I'm being petty... Maybe I should just call her. I don't know, I just don't freaking know.

Classes start in the morning. I've got my bag packed. I'm more nervous now than I was before. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight... Calculus at 7:30, computer graphics at 8:30, and then after a two hour break, speech class at 11:30. After that I have the rest of the afternoon free.
*****

At the harsh, pulsing tone of her alarm clock, Abby startled to consciousness the next morning at 6:00. She quickly sat up and shut the alarm off with a sharp slap. For a moment she sat in the middle of the bed and rubbed her hands over her face. Above her head in the top bunk she heard Laura groan and turn over. She didn't have class until 10:30 on Mondays. Abby rolled out of the bed and switched on her desk lamp. She left the big, overhead light off in an attempt at consideration for her roommate.

She opened her closet and silently dressed in the clothes that she had decided on the night before as she'd been lying awake in the dark. She grabbed her toothbrush and hair things and made for the bathroom. The fact that it was all the way down the hall had already begun to irritate her, and she found it even more so this early in the morning.

It was not long at all before Abby finished her morning preparations and she was dismayed to find that it was still only yet 6:30. She briefly considered going to get some breakfast, but she had never had an appetite in the morning. The fact was even the thought of forcing herself to eat something made her slightly nauseous. Instead she tucked one of her granola bars into a pocket of her backpack to snack on later, and then sat down at her computer in the dark. After checking her email and a couple of web comics she had killed all the time she was going to be able to. Hefting her backpack up she left the room, locking the door behind her.

It wasn't dark outside, but it was still early enough so that the air was crisp and much cooler than it would be in a couple of hours. She walked up and past the Memorial Mall which was being mown by a man on a large lawn tractor. Even though it was far to early for most people to be walking to class, Abby was surprised at how busy the campus already was. As she headed North past the Belltower she was almost run into by a guy flying past on a bike. She staggered to the side to avoid him and by the time she had recovered he had zipped around a corner and out of sight.

“Friggin’ douche bag,” she muttered to herself, slightly shaken by the close encounter.

“I can just see the headlines on the second day of classes: “Promising young student run down by bicycle; pronounced dead at the scene. No witnesses have come forward, leaving the culprit of the Hit n’ Peddle accident still on the loose, ready to strike again at any moment.””

As Abby turned East again and passed close to the iconic Engineering Fountain, she paused briefly to watch the soaring water in the morning light. After a moment she continued on to the big lecture hall in the Electrical Engineering building where her calculus lecture would be. She entered through a side door and immediately saw a rack full of copies of the daily school newspaper, The Exponent, so she grabbed one before proceeding on to the classroom.
*****

8-25-08

I guess classes went pretty well today. Mostly it was going over the schedule and telling us that we can't cheat, but there was also some lecturing. Computer graphics looks like it might be fun. Wish I didn't have to get up quite so early on Mondays though. I guess that the good thing about it though is that Laura has classes in the afternoon, so I will have some alone time to do homework or whatever.

I almost introduced myself to a couple of people who sat next to me in class today, but before I got up the nerve to do it, other people came in that apparently they already knew. Call me crazy, but it is so, so much easier to make friends with a single person that seems to be as alone as you are than to try to break into a group or pair that’s already formed. It’s like you’re crashing a party or something.

Today I was continually accosted by people urging me to vote one way or another. All the students who are supporting the Democrats (divided between the Clinton and Obama factions) were asking everyone if they’d already registered to vote, and all the Republican people were setting up opposing booths were they did…the exact same thing. There were even some Ron Paul people passing out flyers and junk. This will be my first ever year voting and I have no idea who it will be for. Mom and dad typically vote Republican, but I don’t really think that that’s reason for me to be the same. What would be the logic in that? Democracy would be rather pointless if we all always just voted for the same party that our parents did.

I think that I lot of people do that though. I don’t really understand it but hey, they never asked me I guess. Anyway, I have a feeling that whatever does happen, this could end up being a pretty epic election this year.

*****

"Look Ash, I don't want to fight with you; I just called to say hi. I miss you."

"Well I don't need a guilt trip from you, Abby! I did what I wanted to do and you don't need to have a say in that. You don't run my life you know."

"I'm not trying to run your life! I just-"

"I've got to go, Abby. I'll talk to you later."

"Ok, you could call me-"

*****

9-03-08

Halfway through the second week of classes. I think that mine are going alright. All the clubs here are advertising their call-outs, trying to get new members. I'm thinking about maybe joining one. Something fun. I don't really know what yet, but I'll keep an eye out.

The engineering seminar I'm in is a little bit irritating. It's meant to give you an idea of some of the potential engineering disciplines that are out there, but I already know that I want to do civil, so it's rather pointless for me. I guess there are people who get in there and change their mind once they hear about something else that they hadn't considered before, but I don't think I'm going to be one of those people. It's a very big class. It's in the same lecture hall that calculus is in and the room is pretty huge.

It would be awfully easy for a person to get lost in there among all the other bodies. If I just stopped going no one would notice that I was gone...

*****

Abby sat down with her breakfast tray at the exact same table that she had chosen on her first day. Again she was alone. She had thought that after a while she might get used to being alone, but as time had gone on the feeling had only intensified. The image of a fish out of water came to mind. She happened to glance up just as a guy from her speech class walked by. He met her eye so she smiled tentatively. He answered with a questioning look, and continued on by. With a sinking stomach Abby realized that he had not even recognized her. A hot flush washed over her face and she ducked her head.

"What did you expect? That he'd stop and ask if the other seat was taken? Don't be an idiot, he doesn't care about you. He doesn't even know who the hell you are."

Abby quickly stood and, leaving her tray and untouched breakfast at the table, exited the dining hall as fast as she could without breaking into a run. Outside she took a deep breath of the morning air, but never slowed her pace. She continued on into campus, her eyes fixed on the ground. She felt sick to her stomach and claustrophobic even though she was walking in the open air.

*****

"Ash, just listen to me please. I just want to know what I did? Why are you so upset with me? Why don't you want to be friends anymore? What did I do? Please just tell me what I did."

"I never said that I didn't want to be friends with you anymore."

"Well then why don't you ever call me? Why didn't you tell me that you weren't going to come to Purdue?"

"Look, I'm busy ok? I don't have time to be calling everybody I ever knew from high school to chit chat."

"Chit chat? Ash, this is me we're talking about. We've known each other forever. You said I was your best friend. Please, just tell me what I can do to make it right."

-----------------------------

Word count: 1,704
Total word count: 5,158

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Chapter Two

By that evening Laura had gotten all of her belongings stowed or organized and had even put up some posters. Around six o' clock Abby began thinking about going to dinner, but truth be told she really didn't want to face the the dining hall again. She couldn't have explained exactly why, but she just didn't want to. She briefly considered asking Laura if she wanted to go with her, but decided that the potential awkwardness would not really be worth it. After another 10 minutes or so Laura took her purse and started to leave. When she reached the door she turned around.

"Hey, I'm going to dinner, would you like to come?" she asked. For a second Abby was seriously tempted to say yes to that. For reasons that were not completely known even to her though, she shook her head.

"No thanks, I um, I'm not really that hungry. Big lunch you know."

"Oh, ok, see you after a while then." Laura closed the door behind her and finally Abby was left alone in their room. She turned around slowly in place, not completely sure what to do with herself now that she had the room to herself. She thought about lying down, but didn't want to mess her bed up yet. Instead she sat at her desk and opened one of the drawers. Her mother had sent a couple of boxes of granola bars and cans of juice with her to snack on. That would take the place of dinner for tonight.

Abby sat in front of her computer and logged into AIM and Facebook to see if any of her friends were online. She immediately saw that Ashley had been leaving wall messages for her boyfriend on Facebook and most of them were of the "luv u, baby" type. No messages for Abby though. She quickly closed the window. One of her friends that had gone to another school was signed onto AIM so Abby said hi.

"Hey, how's it going?" asked Melanie.

"Ok I guess. It's different. What's up with you?"

"Not much, got all unpacked today."

"Sweet, me too," typed Abby.

"You like Purdue?"

"Haven't seen much of it yet. But it seems to be alright."

"Cool. Well I gotta go, it's dinner time here. TTYL," said Melanie.

"K, see ya," answered Abby as her friend signed off. There was really no one else online at the moment that she really wanted to talk to, so Abby went offline as well. She closed the screen on her laptop and sat there for several minutes, staring at the bulletin board on the wall over her desk. As the sun sank lower in the sky the light coming through their East facing window began to fade. It was far too early to go to bed, but Abby had no idea of what else she could do. After a few more minutes, she finally decided to go ahead and take a shower. She was reminded of her earlier urge to cry while in the dining hall.

At the time she had been slightly surprised at the feeling. She'd never thought of herself as being overly emotional, and she certainly didn't often feel overwhelmed by a need to burst into tears. Now that she was alone, she doubted that she would in fact cry. The feeling had faded and been swallowed. To cry now would feel silly. She gathered her robe, shower sandals, and bath supplies together and, locking the room behind her, went down the hall to the communal wash room.

For the moment it was deserted; whether that was because everyone was at dinner, or because not all the residents of the floor had moved in yet she didn't know, but she was relieved regardless. The loneliness was still churning in her stomach, but the idea of being forced to meet and get to know a whole new set of strangers was an even more unpleasant prospect.

Again, Abby questioned where those feelings were coming from. She'd always been somewhat shy, but not anti-social. Of course she was in the shower. Hardly ever the prime, or least awkward spot for getting to know brand new friends.

"It's just that it's been a stressful day. This is my first time away from home and I don't know anybody yet. This is normal," Abby reassured herself. "I'm ok. Maybe tomorrow will be better."

*****

08-24-08

Met my roommate yesterday. I guess she seems alright. It's been a little weird. I'm not at all sure what to say to her. I mean, we're going to be stuck together for a few months so it seems like it would be intelligent to get along, it's just been weird. Last night after I showered she was already back from dinner and I didn't know what to do when I was ready to get into my PJs. I didn't want to just strip down right there in front of her, but what was I supposed to do? Go back to one of the shower stalls? That wouldn't seem strange at all!

I ended up just sort of turning the other direction and putting on my pants under my robe then switching that for a t-shirt real quick. She wasn't like staring at me or anything, but it was still weird!

On the bright side, we went to breakfast together and it wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it might be. She's in pre-pharmacy so we talked about that for a little while. I think it might be ok. Mom called today to see how I was. I didn't tell her everything, but I did tell her that I was feeling kind of lonely. She suggested that I introduce myself to some people. Seems like a decent enough solution on the surface, but much harder to set into action in reality.

Anyway, I'm kind of nervous and kind of excited about tomorrow. I have three classes and they're all in the morning. I found all of the buildings that I'm going to on my map, so I think I'll be able to get to them ok. I'd hate to be that person who has to ask for directions, but I'm sure if I did someone would be able to point me in the right direction. But I'd like to avoid that if I can. I prefer not to look like a complete idiot when I can avoid it.

I wonder how Ash is doing... I miss her and it still hurts so bad. I don't know what to do. I guess mom might tell me that I should try to contact her, but I don't know that I want to do that. She's the one that started it afterall. I didn't do anything! At least I don't think I did. Apparently Dave is just way more important than I am, even though I've known her for years and years and she's only been dating him for a few months now.

I just don't know why I don't matter anymore. I mean, what did I do?

*****

"Hey, I'm going to go get dinner with a couple friends," Laura informed Abby cheerfully. "Guess I'll see you later tonight. Have a good evening."

"Ok, you too; talk to you later," said Abby. She didn't mind that Laura hadn't invited her along because today she'd actually managed to reach two of her old friends that were also at Purdue and they had arranged to meet in Earhart to eat together. Abby was excited about the prospect and more than a little relieved that she wouldn't have to sit through dinner alone tonight. Neither of the girls that she'd heard back from had been very, very close with her in high school, but maybe they were feeling as isolated as she was, and at least they had bothered to respond. Just knowing that made Abby feel a little better.

All day long other girls on the floor had been coming by their door to meet and greet. Earlier there had been a floor meeting where the RA had gone over all the rules for the hall and then they'd all decorated a brick for themselves. That's right, a brick. It was to prop their door open with so there was a little circulation in the room. Abby didn't like the idea of having to leave her door open all the time, in fact it would be fair to say that she hated the prospect, but it had been stifling in their room the night before. The Windsor halls were so old that they were very nearly outdated.

"Hey there!" shouted a voice from the door, making Abby jump and spin around in her chair. A girl that she'd never seen before in her life stood in her room. "Are you Abby or Laura?"

"Abby," Abby stammered, rising from her seat and wondering what the hell gave people the idea that they could just walk into any room with an open door.

"Awesome, I live down the hall there. Is this your first year here?"

"Yes."

"Excellent, are you excited?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm going to dinner, I'll come by later and we can chat!" With that the girl spun and left Abby's room. Abby stood there for a moment. Her first thought was the she didn't really want to be there for the return of... And then her second thought was that What's-Her-Face hadn't given a name. At least all the other people had bothered to knock on the door frame before they came waltzing in.

Abby checked the time on her alarm clock and quickly grabbed her purse to head to Earhart. Locking the room door behind her Abby ran down the stairs and out the back entrance to cross the parking lot. This was her first time going to the Earhart Dining Court, but she'd looked at her map and it was only a very short jaunt away. The plan was to meet her friends at the front entrance. As she crossed Jischke Drive she thought once again of Ash, but quickly shoved it to the back of her mind. It was pointless to think about it.

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Word count: 1,703
Total word count: 3,455

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Chapter One

08-23-08
Well here I am at Purdue finally. Mom helped me move in this morning. My room is in Windsor and I guess it’s ok, haven’t met my roommate yet though. Little nervous about that. I haven’t shared a room in my life. Mom thinks that it will be fine and said that we’ll probably end up being the “best of friends”. We’ll see about that. It’s not exactly a large room so I don’t see how we will possibly ever be able to get away from each other if we’ve had enough. I don’t know, I guess I just like my privacy, but it’s almost impossible for a freshman to get a single room here. It just doesn’t really happen. And there’s no way I could afford an apartment.
I’m kind of starting to regret not doing the BGR thing because this is a big campus and I have no idea how to get around it, plus I don’t know anybody here yet. I didn’t let mom know it, but I’m a little bit scared. She didn’t cry, but I bet she will in the car on the way home. That’s what she did when we moved Tina to college, and that was just to IU, practically up the road from our house.
I’ll be going to get my books today, and I have all tomorrow to kind of get acclimated before classes start. My first one is of course at 7:30 in the morning, the earliest class time you can have. That’s going to get old fast. I’m not a morning person. My classes are CGT 163, ENGR 100 (which is just some goofy seminar or something), ENGR 106, MATH 261, COM 114, and PHYS 152. Of course it’s the calculus class that’s at 7:30. It couldn’t be something easy like the seminar or speech class.
*****
Abby Brunswick surreptitiously sized up her new roommate, silently judging her on appearances. She did not feel bad about these thoughts though, as she felt that it was without a doubt, a road that went both ways. The girl was tall with dull brown hair and a lot of freckles. At this point Abby had not decided if she looked nice or not. Time would tell, she supposed. The girl extended a hand to her.
“Hi there, I’m Laura. You’re Abby I guess.” Abby nodded and shook her hand awkwardly. Who shook hands these days? “We’ll be seeing a lot of each other this year!” added Laura, her tone far too cheerful about that prospect than Abby was comfortable with.
“Yeah, yeah I guess we will be.”
Laura nodded and for a few moments they both stood there in the center of the room, looking awkwardly at each other and the surrounding walls.
“Well I’m just going to go ahead and get some more stuff out of the car,” Laura finally said, pointing to the door behind her.
“Um, ok, I’m gonna just keep unpacking here.”
Laura nodded and turned to pick up her car keys. She seemed to be moving in all by herself.
“You have your own car here?” asked Abby.
“Yeah, I’m a sophomore this year. I was in Shealy last semester, but I moved out for the summer and then this year they assigned me to Wood, so here I am.” Abby nodded and there was another awkward moment before Laura finally gave a quick nod and turned for the door again.
Abby had wished that she’d been able to bring a car here, but freshmen weren’t allowed to. Maybe next year it would work out, and with a job she would be more likely to be able to afford it. For now though, the bus would have to do if she actually wanted to go anywhere. Not that she expected there to be a ton of demand for that, it was just that she enjoyed the freedom of being able to drive herself where she wanted to go.
When Laura got back up to their room with her first load of boxes on a big luggage cart Abby was just finishing organizing her desk. She had laid out all her notebooks and new supplies in neat rows along her shelves. Laura began unpacking and Abby felt that tact compelled her to break the uncomfortable silence.
“Um, do want some help or anything?” Laura looked up in surprise.
“No, I’m fine thanks. It’s just a matter of putting stuff where I want it. But, thanks for the offer anyway. I appreciate it.”
“Sure thing. I guess I’ll go get some lunch then. Guess I’ll see you later then.”
“Ok, see you. Have fun.”
Abby stopped by her Resident Assistant’s room to get directions and then made her way to the nearest dining court. As she stepped into the building and was assaulted by all of the other voices echoing throughout the huge dining room, Abby was assaulted by a surge of loneliness. It wasn’t that she missed any person in particular but her stomach suddenly felt slightly sick and she was very, very aware of the fact that most of the people around her were traveling in groups, laughing and talking, catching up after a summer apart. She quickly grabbed a tray and added herself to the line nearest to her without paying attention to what she was actually in line for. It moved quickly and at the end of it she helped herself to a plate of pasta and a piece of garlic bread.
Out of the line she stood looking around the room trying to decide where she was going to go. Finally she caught sight of a small table beside a bank of trashcans that was unoccupied and she made for that, weaving her way between tables and oblivious people. Once at her own table she set down her tray and sank into one of the chairs. The sense of loneliness had not left her and in fact grew as she sat in her corner, observing the rest of the people in the dining room. There were some couples within her view, but mostly it seemed to be small groups of friends gathered at all the tables. She felt very awkward to be sitting alone. She decided that as soon as she got back to the dorm room she would see if her internet connection was working yet and try to send a message to one of the friends from high school that she knew were also moving in today.
Abby did not know that many people who were planning on attending Purdue, but there were a couple. She and her best friend had both decided together to go to Purdue and they’d both been accepted here, but when Ashley’s boyfriend had decided to go to Ball State, Ashley canceled all plans to attend Purdue at the last minute and had followed him there instead. She hadn’t even bothered to tell Abby until two weeks ago. That’s what bothered Abby most about it.
“She could have at least warned me that she was considering it,” she thought. “Instead of slapping me in the face with it just as I was packing to come here.”
Abby did not try to deny that she was still very mad about that. More though, she was very hurt. Ashley had acted like it was nothing and Abby had not told her exactly how much it had hurt her. Instead she’d just kept it to herself, and they hadn’t spoken since then. Adding insult to injury, Ashley had not tried to contact her at all when previously they had spoken almost every day. They’d only known each other since fifth grade; Abby had thought that they’d be best friends forever. She tried to tell herself that perhaps that would still be the case. After all, they’d had arguments before. None that had lasted this long, and never about something this serious, but it had happened.
As quickly as she could Abby finished her fettuccini and rose to leave. She’d had enough of this sitting around and thinking about how hurt and alone she was. She could cry about that later, in her own room. That was when she remembered that she didn’t even have her own room to cry in.
“Fine, in the shower then. Just go,” she told herself. She quickly rid herself of her tray onto one of the tall conveyor racks that would carry it back into the kitchen and out of sight, and made her escape from the dining hall. Halfway back to Wood, Abby decided that she didn’t want to return to the tiny dorm room just yet and so continued on past the Windsor halls towards the campus proper. There was no reason not to go ahead and pick up her text books. She remembered driving past the University Bookstore on the drive in with her mother, and she thought that she could find it again fairly easily.
Once she’d hit University Street, she followed it down until it met with State Street, and she followed that East. She was sure that it would be quicker to cut between the buildings and walk across campus, but as of yet she figured that she’d better stick to the streets that she remembered. It was not that far of a walk as it was and she managed to reach the bookstore without any problems. The place was absolutely teaming with students, jostling this way and that, searching for the books that they needed and buying overpriced notebooks and pens.

Abby followed the signs and descended into the basement of the building, grabbing a basket along the way. All the texts were arranged by subject in alphabetical order so once she managed to fight her way through the rest of the people with the same intent, she found her books quickly. Along with her texts she bought a Purdue class planner that had a map in the back of it. That she kept out of the bag to plot a course back to Wood with. She tried to walk briskly so that maybe she wouldn’t look like such a newbie, but in the back of her mind the thought still lingered that everyone she passed knew that she didn’t really belong yet.
Abby sighed and thought again of Ashley. If she was here then this wouldn’t be so uncomfortable.
“Oh stop it,” she scolded herself. “Quit feeling sorry for yourself and just do what you have to do.”
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Word count: 1,752
Total word count: 1,752