Chapter Six

"What are you doing this weekend Abs?"

"Oh, nothing much I guess. You know, same ol'."

"Yeah? Well me and your mom were thinking about maybe making the drive up to visit with you for a little while. Take you for a nice dinner on Friday, maybe stay the night in town there and you can show us around the campus."

"Oh well... I do have a lot of homework to do and I'm usually pretty tired on Friday evenings after classes and everything. Um, maybe you could come Saturday night or Sunday? Or maybe next week?"

"Well ok, if you don't want us there, we won't force ourselves on you."

"No, Daddy, it's not that I don't want to see you. I do. Definitely. Friday just isn't the perfect time.

*****

9-25-08

So, my speech was today, and now it's over so I can get on with repressing it as soon as possible. I will say this: It was not my worst nightmare. Worst case scenario was that I'd stand up in front on the class, shaking like a leaf; completely loose my voice (so silently shaking like a leaf for those of you playing along at home), and then I'd pee my pants. That did not happen. I did not pee my pants.

I don't know what kind of grade a teacher can give for someone standing up and giving a speech consisting of nearly constant "Umm"s, but I'm betting it's not an A. Of course, the other people in the class are not exactly stellar orators yet either, so it's possible that next to the competition I didn't look completely horrible. Just mostly horrible. At least I didn't come right out and say "I'm so nervous." That's a dead give away if there ever was one.

And guess what! I get to give another one in another three weeks! I know, exciting right? I hate this stupid class. Speaking of stupid classes, for this engineering seminar thing we each have to pick a buddy who "doesn't look like you" (talk about really promoting not being stereotypical) and we have to go to some sort of diversity thing with them. They don't seem to really care what, just something. And we're going to each write a paper about how that person has a different view from us. Really? Really? What are we, middle schoolers?

Yeah, I know racism and bias are still a big problem in the world, but they couldn't think for a minute that going to some question and answer session with "someone who doesn't look like you" is really going to change all your dearly held beliefs on the subject if you do happen to be racist or sexist or whatever.

*****

"Why don't you want to see me and your father, Abby?"

"I didn't say I didn't want to see you guys, mom."

"Are you embarrassed for us to visit you up there?"

"No! I didn't say that I didn't want to see you."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I told Dad, I have a lot of homework and stuff this weekend. It's nothing personal."

"Alright honey, if you say so."

"Mom, you don't believe me, I can tell."

"No, I just wondered why you didn't want to see us."

"Mom-"

"I know."

"I have a calculus exam next week, and I'm just...busy."

"It's alright, Abby. Maybe we'll come Saturday or Sunday."

"That would work better. I really would like to see you guys. I mean it Mom."

"Ok sweetie. I just wanted to make sure that everything was alright. I won't make this into something that it's not."

*****

Abby lay awake in her bed, unable to fall asleep for several reasons. Trepidation, guilt, nervousness, excitement. If she were to be honest with herself though, it was mostly guilt. She couldn't help feeling that she must have really hurt her parents with her rebuff, not to mention the fact that she had lied through her teeth to both of them. What if they found out? She really did want to see them, but she wanted to go to Nick's party too, and she was quite sure that she couldn't have both.

Tomorrow night at this same time she would be at that party. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She was excited, very much so, but she was also almost as nervous about this as she had been about her speech that day.

"That's ridiculous," she thought to herself. "I'm going to do this for fun; there's no reason to be nervous about it. If I didn't want to go then I wouldn't go."

Her stomach persisted in its protest, despite her best efforts at taming it with logic. She really did hate to meet a bunch of new people, and it was so uncomfortable to be in a group that you really didn't know at all. Specifically college students who might be doing all kinds of things.

She thought briefly that maybe she should ask Nick tomorrow what kind of party it was going to be exactly but realized that she probably couldn't come up with a better way to appear lame if she tried. She didn't really know how else she could find out what exactly this party would entail without looking like a complete dork.

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'm going." Again she felt slightly ill as she was reminded of how she had lied to her mom.

"I'm not doing anything really stupid!"

"Then why wouldn't you tell Mom and Dad?"

"Because they would worry."

"Because this is stupid."

"No, they just worry a lot. I'll be careful. It will be just fine."

"If you say so."

"I do."

Abby rolled over onto her stomach and pulled her blanket up over her head.

"Just shut up about it already, I'm going and that is the end of it."

"Fine, I just don't want you to have to live with regrets."

"I'm not going to; it's just a party!"

"That's what they all say."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You do realize that if anyone could hear your thought process they'd think you were insane."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were aware."

"Thanks, thanks a lot."

*****

"Hey Nick."

"Oh, hey there Abby. How's it going?"

"Pretty good. I gave my speech yesterday."

"Oh yeah? How did that go?"

"Alright I guess. I don't really like public speaking," said Abby with a nonchalant shrug.

"Yeah well, who does? Anyway, you going to come to the party?"

"Yeah, of course! I can't wait."

"Liar," whispered her mind.

As the class began, Abby fell to aimlessly doodling in her notebook, only paying the barest amount of attention to the short lecture. The fun part was yet to come: doing the 3-D sketches in the lab notebook. Behind her she could hear a girl attempting to have a whispered conversation with the guy next to her and completely failing at it.

She was going on and on about how she was going to get smashed that weekend, and the guy was laughing like the great big doofus he was. It really wasn't even a laugh. Calling it a chuckle insinuated that it was slightly manly. A giggle perhaps, or more appropriately, a series of stupid guffaws.

"Really people? You've really got nothing better to do with your lives?"

"Last week my friend John came back from Harry's and ended up puking all over our room. I don't even know how he found his way back, he was so friggin' drunk!"

"Ah dude! What did you do?"

"Nothing! What could I do? Hold back his hair? I just tried to keep him on his side of the room!"

At that point the girl who had started the fun discussion broke down into a fit of snorting snickers and even though they were at least a dozen rows back the professor paused right in the middle of a sentence and looked up at them. The girl managed, surprisingly, to pull herself together almost immediately, and after a long moment the professor continued, but not before giving the pair a stern look. As soon as he turned away from them again Abby heard them both break down into giggles, but fortunately for them, they managed to keep it quiet enough that the professor either didn't hear them or didn't feel it important enough to spare them another glance.

Mercifully after that they were for the most part quiet, and soon thereafter the sketching started and at that point there was a fairly constant murmur between people, so if they did begin talking again, Abby was able to tune it out.

*****

9-26-08

Well classes are over for today and I've showered and had a little bit of dinner and killed just about all the time that I can, but it's still a while until the party. I guess I should probably spend some more time preparing for that calculus exam, but I don't think that I'd probably be able to concentrate on it at all right now.

I haven't changed into the clothes I'm going to wear yet because I know if I did that I would get them all wrinkly and probably manage to spill something on myself too. I'm talented like that. What can I say? Everyone has their little niche in life.

I just realized that I never told Laura that I'm going out tonight too. I think that by this point she thinks that I don't have any life and just stay here and study all night while she's out partying or something. Isn't she going to be surprised. I don't think I'll say anything. I'll just get dressed and put on my make up and stuff and wait for her to ask me what I'm doing tonight.

Upon contemplation I'm not really sure what that will accomplish, but I don't care. I wonder if everybody has this much trouble with their roommate? Is this normal? It's not like we outright fight all the time or anything, but we don't exactly get along. We more just barely live with each other really. Toleration is the watermark that we shoot for, not friendship.

So healthy. Just so great. The kind of relationship that will endure the tests of time and last for the rest of our lives.

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Total word count: 10,055